The invasion has begun.

Reuters: Bozeman, Thursday April 12, 3:40PM 2007

Fear those little rodents

The office of National Forests and the US department of health and human services, released an astonishing report this morning in Washington (7:45 AM GMT-5). In front of the congress and US Military officials, Dr. Trudman head of the Genetic Contamination Committee (GCC) made terrible revelations.

On the 2^nd of March 2003 in Idaho Falls (ID, USA), the Foundation for Animal Research and Trans-genetics lost a couple of Cynomys parvidens strikeanus from the laboratory 106-2B.
The scientific in charge of the "Animal Optimization" department, Dr McMourning, reports on these events.

Dr McMourning : "I was really wasted that night, I had a gallon of Moose Drool beer and half a bottle of tequila with Fernando my assistant. Actually it was quite a regular evening, we researchers are having fun torturing animals and getting trashed. Obviously I was working on a couple of these new Cynomys parvidens strikeanus guys and I forgot to lock them in their cage. Really these spirits company are to blame. It isn't written on their bottles that it makes you do a shitty job. However when I saw these little fuckers escaping I grabbed the lab's emergency shotgun. I missed them, but I eventually killed Fernando. I'll have another bottle of that damn good stuff in his loving memory."

While the democrats ask for the return of the prohibition, scientists are deeply concerned by the impact of this brand new flavor of prairie dogs to the environment. This for several reasons.

First: The new prairie dogs have 7 rut cycles per year and a female can bear up to 10 which means during these four years, the first female have probably already had around 250 babies. A CPS (Cynomys parvidens strikeanus) arrives to sexual maturity at only 3 month old. You understand the growth of this new specie is exponential, uncountable and probably already near the million individuals.

Second: The babies, even if they are very cute (Dr McMourning's team says), have a very bad energy consumption ratio. They need to be fed about 5 times their own weight every day, and they eat any kind of grass. They are responsible for an incredible ecologic devastation in US western plains.

These pictures shows from right to left, a satellite view of the USA in february 2003, today and on the left the expected result of uncontrolled breed in 2010.

Third (and the worse): Sometimes these creatures are "confused" about where is their natural habitat.
(the end of the article tomorrow)

Edit (June 6th): I promised the end of that article a month and a half ago, but since then I've been escaping a prairie dog state conspiracy and I can't find time yet to write the end.

Thanks for reading Montana Clem, not supported by ads, getting the news first.

-Clem

Cook with Clément !

Yep, every person that knows me, even a little, knows I like good food! Well, I think the best way to get some quality meals, it's to cook them yourself. Tonight I've been preparing some great stuff and I'd like to share with you my kitchen secrets...

Cooking with Clément ! For cheap and tasty meals.
Tonight, the "Potée à la dinde et son riz pourpre" as I call it or "Turkey casserole and it's purple rice".

Cooking time : Around two hours. But you need to be around cooking only about 20 minutes (depending on how blazing fast you are!).
For that particular meal you have think ahead a little bit.
You will need for the casserole:

1. some turkey left overs (could surely be replaced by some chicken breasts).
2. 2 carrots
3. 1/2 Onion (the big white ones, if it's a small one, then I guess all of it)
4. 1 garlic clove (une gousse d'ail)
   
5. 1 sweet potato

For the rice:

1. 33cl of rice
2. 10cl of red wine (yeah!)
3. one teaspoon of olive oil
4. one teaspoon of salt
5. one tablespoon of soy sauce
6. 1/4 of an onion

Cooking instructions

The casserole:
Start by cutting the carrots in slices (not thin, about 1cm long), rince and peel your sweet potato and cut it in slices too.
Now cut your onion in half. If you don't feel like crying, there are several techniques, more or less efficient. You can manage to cut the onion next to a window so that the air blows away the nasty onion's gas, you can also cut it underwater, and there is one thing that I noticed, it's better to use a sharp knife to cut it gently. Yeah, it's horrible when you cut these guys with a knife with teeth, it messes the pulp and creates more emanations. Nasty stuff !
So cut that god damn bulb into thin slices and then cut those in half. You can do it. Now that you've been weeping like a young girl because you didn't care about my safety advices, you can put all of that stuff you chopped into a saucepan. Then fill the pan with water until the vegetables are almost completely covered. Add some turkey pieces in the pan. Cut the garlic clover into small chunks and add them. Add one teaspoon (cuillère à café, 5cm³) of salt and one of olive oil. Let it cook slowly on low heat for two hours. Normally when it's done the vegetables and the meat are very tender... Pretty good.
Ok that looks like vomit, but it's good !!

While the casserole is slowly cooking on its own, you can have a fresh carrot raw, if you are starved. Plenty of good vitamins.
You can start preparing the rice 1 hour and a half after.

The rice:
Start by cutting some onions, then pour the rice into a pan, just like on the picture on the left. Add one teaspoon of olive oil, the onions and heat. Be careful not to burn the rice, it's pretty smoky.
I know, that sounds crazy, but do as I say... Wait for the rice to become golden, or brown and then pour your 10cl of red wine in the pan, right on the super warm rice !! Yeah, be careful, it might be spectacular depending on how hot the pan is. Your rice turns purple... Original look, plus it adds a little frenchy touch to the taste. Now that you have a "Sauté" of purple rice, you want to cook it, so, pour 1.5 times the amount of rice in water in the pan (normally 33cl of rice is contained in a regular glass, so add one glass and a half of water into the pan, yeah I'm a math genius). Cover the pan and let it cook on full heat during 10 minutes.
It's ready ! Let it cool off and serve, I recommend having some regular water with that dish, yeah, not too much fantasy. Plus it's better for you.

Thanks for reading "Montana Clem" and I hope you enjoy your meal !
Just like we did :

-Clément